


Heartache

by afleur_de_lis (lilgenious)



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-14
Updated: 2014-03-14
Packaged: 2018-01-15 16:12:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1311088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilgenious/pseuds/afleur_de_lis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He loves her even though he knows that she will never love him in return.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heartache

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt unrequited love on Camelot_Land.

If he had known that loving her would have brought him great suffering from the time he had first laid eyes on her, he would have hardened his heart years ago. He would have allowed his heart to go cold, to inflict upon her the very pain he felt whenever he saw and heard her. 

However, there was that one great lesson in life that a man always learned no matter if he were a commoner or a knight, one life lesson that made him who he really was. One that prevented his heart to go cold at the mere thought of a woman’s scorn when she loved another man far better than he could ever be. That those that hurt you are only human, and not the monsters that resided only in children’s fairytales.

Yet, he didn’t expect to be in this much pain over the fact that Guinevere chose another man over him. Though deep down he knew that Arthur was a far more greater man than he, noble in every way and not just by status but also in heart as well, and that he would bring Gwen a happiness that he could not possibly outdo no matter how hard he tried. Nonetheless, his heart pained him far more than it should at the thought that a woman that he deeply cared about, no obsessed about, chose in the end to love another. 

At first he watched from a distance, scarcely believing his eyes as he watched them get closer and closer to one another. He had believed at first that while Guinevere and Arthur were rather close to one another, that perhaps their secret meetings never went beyond the realms of friendship... that perhaps he would have a chance to be loved by her when she realised that she wasn’t suited to become Arthur’s wife. After all, she was a commoner like he was. Perhaps she would come to her senses and return his affections, and that one day he could claim her as his.

In his heart of hearts, however, he knew that fate had other plans for him. As he chose to ignore the blossoming love between Guinevere and Arthur, he failed to notice just how close the two really were. That those secret meetings that he often watched in disdain, as though he were watching through the eyes of a stranger, were not what he had first thought. That it was in fact two lovers sneaking away together for a tryst in the safety that only darkness provided, where no prying eyes, except those of his knights who guarded the hallway could see. 

With this acknowledgement came a sense of finality. Guinevere would never love him. Though she would always have a deep fondness for him, it would never go beyond those borders. He supposed that he was thankful that Gwen never put him through the pain of loving him as she did Arthur. He knew that the blow alone would be enough to leave him defeated. That this knife to his heart would be nothing compared to the deathblow that would have been dealt by her hand, had she been one of those women that loved in order to spite. 

He had made mention of his inner feelings to Merlin once. Though, he felt that it was a rather big mistake on his part in the end. After all, what did Merlin know of these things? No matter how wise his friend was, there were things that even he couldn’t solve easily. Though, thinking back on that day, there was something in Merlin’s eyes, a sadness that showed wisdom beyond his years. It was one of those looks that haunted him to this very day.

In the end, he decided to suffer in silence. It was far more bearable to watch Guinevere and Arthur together now than it was when he knew he could no longer ignore what was truly going on between them. However, that pang... that longing would always be there. Lurking under the surface like a lion hiding in grass, it would never leave him. 

No matter how much he distanced himself from it... from her. 

Because in the end, that is what unrequited love does to you.


End file.
